Being in med school and living in what is considered to be a third-world country, where the slow pace of island life is clearly high on the priority list, I often find myself losing track of time. The only way I ever know the date is by checking while I sit on the computer doing school work. However, I can't complain (though I often try, and do...I shouldn't).
Today was what I often refer to as "Mini Monday". The school that I attend happens to test all subjects on the same exam. There is one test every month. Ironically, they call these exams Mini's, despite the material that they cover. It's amazing the way these exams can, if you let them, control your every thought and action.
I was very stressed of this last exam (and probably will be until the scores are issued). This was Mini #2...and #1 did not go nearly as well as I had hoped. Therefore, I was doing all I could to prepare for this one. However, that led to more and more stress, which I don't always do a good job of dealing with (it's definitely something I need to work on). I would spend all day studying, and then go home feeling like I didn't know the material. Anyway, I often keep stress to myself. I don't want to appear stressed in front of other people because I feel that they have enough stress of their own...and I would rather be cheerful and try to alleviate their stress. However, for the people closest to me, that I care about the most, that's not always the best. For example, my stress caused me to be short-tempred with my fiance over absolutely nothing. He is AMAZING when it comes to my stressing out and many times has told me that he would rather me take it out on him than bottle it up...but that's not fair to him, not at all. I was also short with my parents, when they were just trying to encourage me to keep pushing and to get the rest they knew I needed...these are the people I love most in the world and yet I often treat them the worst.
Anyway, today before the exam, I got up early to study, but I made sure to leave time to read my Bible before I went. I've been reading through Matthew and today was the story of Jesus walking on the water. When the disciples saw him, they were scared and so Peter said, "if that's you Lord, tell me to come out there with you" (this is my translation of course). So Jesus does, Peter goes, but then the storm got worse and Peter took his eyes of of Jesus. At that point he started to sink into the water and had to cry out for help. I AM PETER!!! When I read the part where Jesus was asking Peter why he had so little faith, I felt like God was sitting there asking me that. Why do I let these exams stress me out to the level that they do. I know that I can't do this on my own..I've never done anything on my own. God designed me to be a doctor at a young age, got me into and through an amazing college, got me into medical school, and he's going to get me out! Why have I had so little faith in that...? I've seen him work so many miracles, just in my family alone...what's a mini exam to Him??? I guess sometimes it takes weird things, like Mini exams to remind you of how amazing God is. Despite the scores that come back from my exam, God did a MAJOR work in my life today! He guided me through that exam, but more importantly , He taught me a lot about my own perspective....and with all that said, this may be the only night I have to relax, so I'm off to do just that!
